Hope, Despair, and Passion: Why I miss Unhappy People
12
August
Despair implies a knowledge that there is something better we are not achieving.
Despair is longing.
Despair is hope.
My Coworkers: What do you miss about California, Dawson?
Me: That everyone is supremely unhappy.
My Coworkers: Huh?
I was thinking about something involving despair and hope (prompted by my ever present Twitter folks: “Proving through melody that despair is a form of hope”) and the three lines at the beginning of this appeared in my Notebook o’ Ideas, followed by an amusing conversation with my co-workers in which I tried to explain what I miss about California.
There is a unique brand of beauty to being with people who strive to achieve great things, even in the face of almost certain knowledge they won’t succeed. I come from a place where I had a group of friends who were never satisfied with the status quo, they fought like soldiers in the last days of the Apocalypse to achieve great things, important, life-changing things: art and change, politics, love and friendship, it all tied up together in these intricate patterns of life. And maybe we were just young, maybe nothing is really good about those things, maybe I’m romanticizing my youth, but I miss the passion of it.
Where I live now, people’s reaction to passion is so…disturbing to me. Some people settle for staring in bemusement when confronted with a persons passion for something (people, art, politics, the topic doesn’t matter, just passion). But I have seen many, many people avert their eyes, as though passion is somehow obscene or unseemly. And that baffles me, because I think passion is beautiful. Complex, frightening, sometimes frustrating, but beautiful.
I’m not knocking the quiet life of the Midwest. I’ve met many people who’s only goal is to live the scripted life: go to college on mom’s/dad’s dime, get a good corporate job, find the man/woman of their dreams, have kids, settle down. And nothing more is expected. It’s a beautifully simple way to live.
But I discovered something: I don’t fit in that script. My character is all wrong for the story-line. I’m the kind of guy who stays up all night reading a book and writing a review of it, despite having work the next day. I’m the kind of guy who can sit in a coffee shop and talk for hours about life: how it is, how it should be, how we can save the world if we just care a little more. I am historically unreliable and I know it, following my passions where ever they lead me. Recently, I’ve tried taking stability over passion and it just hasn’t worked out.
So here’s my resolve: To live passionately. To care so much it hurts. To strive for things that are just out of my reach. To be more than I was yesterday. To do what I love, whatever that may cost. This may leave me isolated for now, but I’ll continue to actively seek out like-minded individuals.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that passion, hope, and despair are all better when experienced with friends.
I’ve tried typing this comment 2 or 3 times and it comes out making on sense, so…I’m gonna keep it short and sweet: good post. gives me a lot to think on
It’s been a lot for me to chew over (this has been several days in the writing) too. Would be interested to hear your thoughts if/when you’d care to share.
it’s weird…part of me likes the quiet midwestern life, but part of me doesn’t really fit in with it either. i like quiet nights and low-crime rates, but the lack of passion and culture in central indiana is depressing. plus i don’t fit the “i went to a small school to get my Mrs. degree and want 2.5 kids” mold. It’s not that I don’t want to be married someday (I do) but there’s so much of life to live in the meantime. Anyway, those are my thoughts for the moment
Sorry it took me so long to respond.
Apparently, the time it takes me to reply is directly proportional to the time it took you to post it. Sorry for the delay, been thinking my response over.
I joke that I stand at the intersection between art and business (some day, I’ll write more about that) and it sounds to me like you stand at the intersection of quiet mid-western girl and crazy coastal girl. Which, truly, is the way it should be. Everyone is multi-layered and even my above post requires a disclaimer that it is a huge generalization of a lot of people.
The reality is, we’re all complex beings with many, many shades of grey. It’s hard to quantify “who we are” and thus, I think, hard to figure out what paths to walk. It’s all a balancing act, figuring out just the right combination of things to make ourselves happy. I seem to be drifting back into a previous post here, so I’ll leave it at that.
No worries
I had to think over my response too.
Yeah–I’m very much at the intersection of quiet midwestern girl and crazy/cultural coastal/city girl. Ultimately, BALANCE (as you said) is key. Hence I try to get some art museums, bookstores, etc whenever I can because otherwise I go stir crazy in middle-of-nowhere-Indiana
Always lovely conversing w/ you!
Speaking of being on the same wavelength…this whole article echoes a lot of my current feelings on how passion and ambition seem to be mournfully lost arts. I especially agree with your idea of the supporting power of friends, or, more specifically to my present situation, the way it works in the opposite. It’s hard to be excited let alone passionate about anything when it’s something that can’t be shared by a single person who lives even remotely close to you. I am in the thicket of friends (family, even) whose thoughtful ambitions are ended in a laugh and stifled with a pensive sigh. In short, contentment is obscenely overrated, and it certainly is not for me. This article has been kind of a road map for my similar resolve, so thank you for writing! Your craftsmanship with words stands among the best.
Tyler My Man, I hear ya. Luckily, there is always Twitter and other internet sources to find people as passionate as you are. It’s why I spend so much time on them. I think it baffles my friends and co-workers, and it’s not like I can politely tell them that I spend time on Twitter because they’re all boring and my Twitter buddies aren’t.
“I am in the thicket of friends (family, even) whose thoughtful ambitions are ended in a laugh and stifled with a pensive sigh.”
I couldn’t have described it better myself. Such a sad thing to see happen.
Regardless, you’ll always have us! Twitter, blogging, all of it is an outlet for my dreams right now, and a way to connect with others who are passionate. I’m glad you’re one of them. And one day, who knows, maybe we’ll both make the great trek out West and get a chance to pursue our dreams together in person.
-D